I’m a bit neurotic (my head just does not stop spinning) but that swirl of ideas seems to make sense when I sit in front of my computer. It seems a bit impersonal – a woman behind a screen – but it’s my main time for reflection and peace.
I’ve always been the kinda girl to compare myself to others, to always think that the grass is greener on the neighbours loan and always tore myself up for not being good enough. For not having things others had, for not being as smart, as beautiful, as rich. For not being just like them. But why? Why did I always think that other people have it better than me? Why did I always find a flaw in my life and discredit all the good?
Still to this day I had not find the answer to my self-conscious acts, but I did find a solution. Looking in the mirror. As cheesy as it sounds, it is the best medicine. I had to sit down in front of the mirror and count my blessings. Self-reflection is a humbling process. It’s essential to find out why you think, say, and do certain things. Then better yourself. Telling myself I am the best version of me that I could be, that I am more than enough and how nothing else matters, was the best thing I could do for me as a person. I changed. For the better.
I think this year was really the year I started to think of others as my friends, or just people I coexist with and not my competition. I wasn’t obsessing about what others are doing and being sad all the time because I don’t travel as much, have such expensive clothes, because I don’t live in a fancy apartment or other bullsh*t they try to sell these days as a goal in life. I was letting the expectations of the society dictate my life and try to strive for something I don’t even care about. Appreciating someone else’s life more than your own is just pathetic and it took me a while to see it. At the end of the day, nobody has it as good as me.
I haven’t been this happy in a long time. Sure we all have rough times, and bad days but at this very moment I am content. My perception of my life has changed enormously in the past few months. It is all about perspective, how you see yourself and how much you appreciate the things in your life. I am grateful for all the mistakes I made, the people who left me and for all the lessons life has given me. It all shaped me into the person I am today and I wouldn’t change it even if I could. I now know that I am the tool to success. ME. Little blondie, shaping the world on my own terms and living my best life.
I hope you had a beautiful Christmas and I wish you Happy the rest of the Holidays.